That cute little boy with sticky fingers and an ice-cream mustache, touching your face gently so you will look directly into his eyes when he says “I love you mama,” will someday be lifting the face of a young woman and saying the same words. Scare the shit out of you? Think you can put that out of your mind; that you have plenty of time? You do have time. But fellow mom, it passes too quickly.

Next thing you know, your son tells you he’s going to the movies with friends and you step outside as he is dropped off by a GIRL’S mother. He didn’t want to tell you he was headed out on a double date. He didn’t want all your “annoying” questions. Two days later, he wants to go out with her again. There will be a part of you that is happy for him and a part that wants to puke in your mouth.

Perhaps you are lucky enough to be married to the epitome of a gentleman. As wonderful a role model as he may be, teens consider parents outdated. You will hear, “Nobody does that anymore!” A LOT. If there is a coding to reprogram children to understand that what everyone else does or doesn’t do, is totally NOT the point; make an app for that shit and sell it! #millionaire…

I would like all the below to somehow be worked into the html reprogramming code. The expectations I outlined have been printed in duplicate, read out-loud and discussed with my son, he has signed each section of both printed copies. He has one signed copy; I have the other. Note… these are not optional guidelines. They are rules with potential consequence to his ability to date.

Now, I just need a computer chip with the correct coding injected into him… or perhaps subliminal coding that can emanate constantly from his phone. Thank you in advance for your help…

If you are still holding a sticky toddler in your lap, please heed my advise and let the “talk” happen slowly and organically through the years. Never give more than they are ready for, but never hold back. They don’t want you talking about sex for the first time when they have already started dating. The late approach feels forced. Moreover, teens will block you out; while the younger versions of themselves are sponges that soak up your influence.


You will ALWAYS go to the front door to pick up a girl. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. For all the time you date. You absolutely NEVER text to let her know you have arrived.

When you visit your date’s home, greet every person and show interest in them.

Always assume you are going to pay for the date…

However, once in a while, if she requests to treat you, let her. Women like to establish independence and we also don’t ever like to feel like we “owe” a man something. PS even when you pay… she owes you ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. EVER. Not even a second date…
If she generally insists on paying her own way, (especially if she seems uncomfortable with you paying), respect her wishes. She may be obligated by a parental rule pay for herself.

Consider opening car doors and opening & holding every door you pass through. Not just for your date, but any woman you are near.

At the end of the evening when dropping off your date, you will ALWAYS walk her to her front door. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. For all the time you date.

Get your date home on time or early, ALWAYS. If there is an unavoidable reason, beyond your control, that causes you to be late; call her parents… not text…not have her call: YOU CALL. When you arrive at her home, walk her to the door and apologize directly to her parents.

When you pick a girl up to go out, as a date or a friend, you have taken responsibility for getting her home. Even if she is just a friend, you should be the one to drive her home and watch her walk into her house.

Opposite sex guests are NEVER allowed in your bedroom for any reason. Furthermore, YOU are NEVER allowed in a girl’s bedroom, (friend or girlfriend).

You will not take the cowards way out when you break up with a girl. You will do it IN PERSON. If you break someone’s heart, you should have to witness the impact. Knowing you will have to face her as you say goodbye should keep you from being careless with the girls you date.

You need to know that when she says “yes” to each next step, that she means it and that she will be honest about her consent. You need to KNOW you are BOTH ready.
Teen Love
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Your body is a damn liar. It will tell you that you are ready to have sex when you are not. Same for her body. The emotional reaction to being sexually active with a person is extreme. Do NOT discount it. You are very likely to fall deeply in love with your “first.” And they with you. Heartbreak hurts. Choose wisely.
“No” means “no.” You know that. But, “yes” may turn in to “no.” And, sometimes “yes” turns to silence that means “no.” And silence from the start, well dear Lord… that is confusing but you should ALWAYS take that as, “no.” This is not simple. You have to really know a person, and their body language to interpret what their words and their silences mean. Be 100% sure.

Every time you advance sexually, kissing included, you enter potentially dangerous territory. Take things slow. Gain an understanding for her morals and beliefs. What does her religion dictate? Will a “yes” to you cause her conflict and guilt or a sense of shame? Understand how she AND parents view premarital sex. Get to know her parents and get a feel for her relationship with them. Does she get along well with her parents? Are her parents very strict? Is she scared of her parents?

Before you engage in the act of intercourse, you need to know her views on abortion. If her views are different from yours,

    no matter how attracted to her you are, no matter how much you think you love her, do NOT have sex.

Condoms break, pills fail, people get pregnant using birth control ALL THE TIME.

You should also have a solid grip on her past experience, (if any), to determine if sexually transmitted diseases should be a concern.

Now go have fun on your date babe! MAKE GOOD CHOICES!!!