I acquiesce that the trials of life provide opportunity to gain strength, compassion, perspective, and character. As such, I suppose the response to difficulty should be gratitude. And, after the endurance, I expect that most logical people are indeed thankful – LOGICALLY.

Still, on the surface of the thing, I think most “normal” people want to call bull-shit and go all “primate,” slinging crap back in the direction of perceived origin. To me, the primate option also seems logical. However, throwing poop is one of those things that just may win you a reservation in a psych ward. Albeit fantastic drugs, unlimited arts & crafts, a good nights sleep, someone else cooking and people that have to listen to you all sound amaze-balls. However, your “vacation” may impact your next elementary school chaperon application, (which may sound like another check in the “pro” column right now – but you WILL want to be allowed on school grounds someday).**

Instead of launching feces willy-nilly, try these coping mechanisms in any order/combination:
1. Escape to a book. One of my favorites so far of 2016 – Take me With You by Catherine Hyde (ps. the audible narrator does a great job and everyone has time to listen!).
2. Binge Series – I’m two seasons into Orange is the New Black. It’s raunchy, terrifying, and like a train wreck; I can’t look away. You should absolutely look away if you don’t want to know how women pass the time & “make friends” in prison. The series is definitely a drama; but it’s pack with lots of great humor and occasionally plays like a parody of itself. The writers have a good sense of irony & humor and the actors deliver. The prisoner background stories are sometimes tragic and likely all too real.
3. Wine – Amazon has some helpful suggestions below that frankly make for a kick-ass gift bundle:
Mommy Juice

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Mad Housewife
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Stopper
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Wine glass
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4. Sex – Yes, I said it. I also said bull shit & suggested wine as a coping mechanism. I’m not judging the methods – just sharing what works.
5. Writing – putting paper to pen is actually a legit therapeutic method. When you put pen to paper; your whole body gets involved in a cathartic dumping of your shit overflow. Try free flow word associations. Journal your thoughs and feelings. Send me a blog article. Write a letter to yourself, your spouse, your step-mother, brother, coach, God – get as angry as you want. Then burn it all or rip it up. The burning & ripping help too, (also legit).
6. Exercise – don’t hate me. I’m putting this one on the list because it’s the truth. I understand that there are days that slugging through dung will require all your energy. On the days when you can exercise, you should. Beat the crap out of yourself, walk, yoga – they all help. And, if you can’t motivate – don’t sweat it (pun intended), – just be honest with yourself & get back at it when you can.
7. Sleep – Do as I say, not as I do. No shame in melatonin, (or other natural or prescribed sleep aides). It’s awful hard to find the logical place of gratitude on two hours of sleep.
8. Shop – Retail therapy totally rocks. Unless your husband is “frugal” and checks bank & credit card balances constantly. In that case, any retail “high” will end in guilt.
9. Get dressed and do your make-up, (yes it’s 3pm in TX and I’m in my jammies – refer to #7). Seriously, vain or no – looking good on the outside does help you feel good on the inside too, (as does a kick ass pair of high heels). Plus, I know someone who can help you with the make-up thing
10. Set yourself up to win. What’s something you love? Someone you love? Someone that makes you laugh? A game you kick ass at? A place that feels like an exhale? A project that you can finish? A song that makes you want to dance? A meal your family is sure to appreciate? A simple to-do you can get done? Work you can get paid for? Something you’ve always wanted to do or learn, but never found the time?

Whatever feels like winning to you, go get some of that. Be a little bit selfish.
Then shower, rinse, repeat.


**Seriously, don’t fling shit. A psych ward is no joke. For someone who needs to be there, a hospital stay can be a life-saver. For everyone else, freedom is priceless and being in a place where others are deeply suffering is heart-breaking.
Notable absences from my list:
1. Thereapy: I left therapy off my list. Why? Because therapy is even more obvious and cliche than utilizing exercise to ward off the blues. It is also truly effective and sometimes absolutely necessary to work through life’s most difficult times.
2. Avoid Sugar – Sugar is addictive, bad for your teeth, worse for your weight and can adversely impact your emotional state. I know, I know… there is a ton of sugar in wine. Why do you think I left it off my list? Besides, there are months when my food groups consist of wine, candy & flavor blasted goldfish with an occasional meal. Knowing IS only half the battle.
3. Prayer. Why? Because right now, I am battling the urge to sling shit in the direction of God. I believe in Him. I believe He is carrying me through all my difficult times. Still, here I sit, just to the right side of primate – I’m not feeling logical right now. If you can, you should. There is nothing more powerful than prayer.