How many times have you heard, “marriage is hard”? Do you believe it? Would you believe me if I told you that it’s not true? The thought of so many couples approaching marriage as grueling labor makes me ask myself, “where did we all get this idea from?” The answer; we inherited our marital expectations.
We adopt our marital perceptions from our well-meaning parents and loved-ones. Without realizing, we subscribe to toxic beliefs. We unconsciously make the notions of those around us our own. We act out the narratives we have learned. We persist in the same craziness over and over again. Moreover, as we live out these false realities in our own marriage, we “teach” others. Therefore, we perpetuate the idea that marriage is a grind.

What if you were never told the true story of marriage? What if a change in perspective could set you free of your inherited marital assumptions? Are you ready to change the old-school paradigms about marriage into the paradigms that you want to live? Are you willing to rethink the common narratives of marriage?

Common stories we are told that erode relationships:

You have to endure through pain; it is simply part of the commitment of marriage.
I say – They lied: In love, there is no gain when you are in pain.

You said “I do,” so putting up with BS in your relationship is part of, “for better or for worse.”
I say – Nothing is farther from the truth.

Marriage is hard work.
I say – it does not have to be. You can have an easy, happy, fun, sexy marriage.

There are no easy fixes for your relationship problems.
I disagree.

If you have made these mantras your truth, it’s not your fault. But it is time to awaken! Until you do, your marriage will be exactly like that of the masses: vanilla, (in the best case scenario)

The good news:
All you need is to understand one simple thing:
YOUR MARRIAGE WILL NEVER BE EASY/FLOWING/FUN/SEXY UNTIL YOU LET GO OF YOUR BELIEF THAT IT IS NOT.

In other words, marriage can’t be an easy, fun and happy relationship as long as we hold on to a belief that it is not!

We all have an ability to manifest the relationship we want and there is no reason to wait….

I hear voices murmuring, “She doesn’t know MY marriage,” “Who is this lady anyway?” There are mumbles of, “This is a load of crap… One simple thing my ass!” And, “Manifest? Seriously? Does she think I’m a magician?” And, I think I heard, “Total BS! Marriage IS HARD WORK! She probably isn’t even married.”

I understand the resistance rising up in you. Before you give up on me, consider the thoughts and feelings you are having right now. Might your reaction be a sign of a subconscious subscription to beliefs that are not even yours? Time to let go of someone else’s script and write your own. The first step is to re-imagine the concept of marriage. Once you do, things get easy from there.

Besides, what have you to lose? More importantly, what have you to gain?

Plus, I have been helping couples for over a decade as a psychotherapist, relationship and intimacy coach and, I am happily married.

Still here? If so, what I want you to do:

1-Look for evidence of ease; and the ease will come. Look for evidence of fun; and you’ll have more enjoyment. Play more; and you’ll find playfulness. Do things that connect; and you’ll forget about the disconnect.

2-Lighten up; and you will feel less burden. Sometimes saying “It’s not a big deal,” is the best thing you can do for your marriage.

3-Accept change. Relationships change. There is nothing you can, or should, do to stop it. Instead, view change as a blessing.

4-Stop worrying. Anxiety does not help. Rather, relax; make a choice to take charge and get your relationship/intimacy/sex on track.

5-Stop waiting and, “sweeping things under the rug.” If you don’t know how to communicate your intimate needs and desires, get help. Your resentments are a ticking bomb that threatens your intimacy.

6-Stop spying on your partner. You aren’t doing yourself any favor. Mistrust can not build trust. Exercise trust at every little opportunity, and it will become easier for you to trust when big things in your relationship move in.

7-Stop thinking you have to change your mate before things can become better. You don’t need your partner to change to get what you want. Believing you need to “fix” a person is a trap that keeps the crap in your relationship on replay mode. Again, what needs to change are your beliefs about marriage.

8-Know your power. You can have more intimacy without your partner having to even move his pinkie finger.

9-Get solid support. Support expedites process. The shift in your marriage mantra does not need to take years. Free your energy to do something more world-changing.

10-Get conscious about your relationship. Happiness in your marriage starts with YOU. Make a decision to take positive actions to BE happy with your spouse.

I want you to have the level of intimacy and connection to your mate you used to have when you met him or her. I want you to be the living proof of the new paradigm: Marriage does not have to be hard! Marriage should be fun, fulfilling and sexy! The longer you are together, the better it is meant to get, not the other way around!

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Victoria Washington, Epic Intimacy
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Victoria Washington, Epic Intimacy

Victoria Washington is a psychotherapist, relationship and intimacy coach with an international experience. For more than a decade she has been inspiring and empowering couples around the world to become power-couples, even during their most turbulent times. Victoria has developed The 3 Layer Focused Process that helped hundreds of couples get the love they want and having sustainable results without years of therapy. She combines knowledge from hard-core research with spiritual principles and her own experience as a wife to move couples from power-struggle to power-couple quickly and effectively. Victoria was born and raised in Ukraine and had an opportunity to live in various corners of the world, together with her husband William. She speaks 5 languages, loves painting and fitness. Victoria and her husband dream of having their own cooking TV-show where they teach long-term couples healthy recipes for kitchen as well as healthy recipes for love.